Forgive yourself for not knowing better.

To those with childhood trauma.

"They should have tried harder".

"It's their fault we suffered so much".

Was what someone said to me about their seven year old self.

Which to tell you the truth, at times truly breaks my heart.

And no doubt, this person went through really hard things in life.

From being diagnosed with a chronic physical condition from when they were a child.

Having to spend much of their childhood in a hospital setting.

Then still having to juggle school somehow.

And it's no wonder with the weight of the world on this young person's shoulders.

They started to face various forms of childhood depression and anxieties.

Feeling like a burden to their family, to others.

And at the mere age of seven and onwards.

Started to wonder to themselves.

"Wouldn't it be better if I wasn't here?"

"If I left this world and disappeared?"

:(

You were but a child, still learning how to name your feelings.

Still figuring out the world.

Still needing others, lacking the ability to look after yourself.

And yet somehow, years on - the blame still landed on yourself.

"I should have tried harder then".

You said.

"Then maybe all of this wouldn't happen."

But you were a child.

You needed guidance, love and protection.

Know that as children, you don't know the things you know now.

But yet for some reason, you experienced what you did.

And you turned the blame inward.

But it's not your fault that you did.

Because you were a child - you just wanted to be loved and accepted.

Like all children do.

To be accepted just as you are.

To be told that you were enough.

And feel enough.

And to never feel like a burden.

"It's not your fault".

To that person, I hope you know this.

"It's not your fault, it's not your fault."

You were only doing your best.

"It's not your fault that this happened to you".

No one would ever choose this.

And my biggest hope for you out there today, to whoever you are.

"None of this is your fault".

I hope someday, you'll feel this.

With love,

Hernping

Ps. Dedicated to S - and Lil ping too :)