On "Falling behind".

It's okay to acknowledge this side of you too.

To anyone out there thinking you're behind.

You're not alone.

That was me for a long while too.

Failing out of my first year in junior college.

Doing horribly for my university entrance exams too.

Then when I got to uni, I failed three consecutive semesters before I finally found what I wanted to do.

Finally stumbling into psychology - a subject I could finally really resonate with.

But by the time I was done with my masters?

I was OLD.

Moreover, taking into consideration having to do compulsory national military in Singapore too.

And the fact that I studied and worked overseas in Australia?

By the time I got out to work..

I was so much older than my peers.

To tell you the truth, the inferiority complex hit me real hard.

It's never a nice feeling to feel so behind eveyrone else.

"It's okay you can go at your pace."

"You don't need to compare yourself to others."

As much as I like it how that sounds, I just couldn't internalize it back then.

You see, the truth is I was a failure.

While everyone around me seemed to be edging forward.

There I was, floundering.

Falling behind.

--

You see, the big lesson I've learned is all those quotes and all those anecdotes don't mean a single thing.

Not at least if you don't believe it yourself.

And for a long time now, I've carried this part of me.

The part that languishing in failure and shame of falling behind.

And I don't dismiss it, because to dismiss would be to neglect it.

Instead I go to it, and recognise it's pain.

And I say:

"Thank you for carrying this burden all this time. Heck it wasn't easy at all hey?"

"I don't know how you did it, it you kept going. Well done."

"Now look at where we are, not rich, not successful, but we're happy being ourselves."

"Not running any kinda race that we never would've wanted to run."

"Instead we've been doing our own thing now - and boy has it been so much fun."

And this part of me tapped into the present joy that I feel too.

Knowing it had survived.

It had done so much.

And that "behind" was a concept.

That was never meant for us.

Take care,

Hernping

:)

💙

#letskeepgoing

#childhoodtrauma