Seven Triggers No One Talks About (But Many Quietly Live With)

Apr 20
6 min read

Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System - is this you too?

I used to think that there was something was wrong with me.

Like I had some deep innate dysfunction in my body that made me the most useless human being ever.

Easily triggered, I would get irritable out of nowhere. Going from zero to one hundred in a snap of a moment.

Calm to anxious.

Unable to tolerate what the rest of the world is seemingly able to tolerate.

Noise, crowds, and even the most basic of things like hunger.

Where I would suddenly find myself in a intense moment of panic. Unable to switch this off.

It gets worse when I'm with others, especially someone close to me.

Because in this triggered state, I know deep in my own hearts of hearts that I'm affecting my loved ones.

Yet, there was little they could do about.

There was little I could do about it too.

Here's the things though - things can get better. And while it took me a long time (and lots of reflection, regulation and therapy) to identify these triggers, and to be able to move through them and not let it affect myself and others.

So can you.

But without further ado, let's explore some of these triggers together - and know you're not alone on this too.

7 Common (But Rarely Spoken About) Triggers

Not all triggers look like trauma. Some of them look like everyday life.

1. NUMBER ONE top of the list - Being HUNGRY

For some, hunger is not just a physical thing. It feels like an overwhelming or uncontrollable urge that needs to be satiated immediately.

You probably find yourself geting more irritable, easily frustrated. Your patience like a worn-out string.

And while on first glance we think that hunger is an understandable trigger, it can carry a deeper signal depending on whether you've experienced relational wounds or trauma like i have before.

Because hunger carries a deeper signal:

Why am I in survival mode again
Why is no one is taking care of me
Why am I on my own again

So instead of simply feeling hungry, your body reads it as: Something is wrong.

Deep insight: Ever notice that you're perfectly able to deal with hunger when you're on your own or alone and it doesn't trigger you that much? But when you've with your partner / family / others, this trigger is much more intense? You might be carrying relational wounds too my friend.

2. Crowded spaces

To tell you the truth, I almost try to avoid crowds at all costs. To me, it's almost like a suffocating feeling. My body is almost screaming at me "Let's get out of here quickly!".

Like hunger, crowds aren't just about people too. They can mean:

Too much sensory input
Too little control over what's happening
No easy exit / escape

Our system prepares for overwhelm even before it happens.

We associate crowds with potential overwhelm, and the deeply uncomfortable feeling of being trapped.

3. Being triggered, and then further met with Silence or delayed responses

This is for you all anxious attachment ones out there. You know how it is. You've put in a lot of work into being okay with being left on one-tick already. You've held back on spam texting "wru, why haven't you replied. hello? wru wru wru" too.

Well done.

But this third trigger is especially about being triggered in the midst of somebody.

And in your already triggered state, met with silence? Met with a delayed response?

Somehow this triggers you more.

Often with:

Am I understood?
Don't they see how bad this is?
Why aren't they saying something?
Didn't we go through what to do before?

Deep insight: Uhoh looks like you might be carrying some relational trauma and abandonment wounds....

4. Sudden changes in plans

Oh yeah, today we have it all nicely figured out and plans are in place! Weepee, and then BAM! A cancellation. A last-minute change.

Even small shifts like a change of venue or push back by half an hour can bring disproportionate discomfort and panic.

What gets activated is often:

Loss of predictability
Loss of control
A sense of not being considered (relational trauma!)

Personally I struggle a lot with this one still. And in my own personal life, I often find myself being a stickler for times and somehow needing to keep to certain times.

But hey, I'm trying okay!

5. When things are going seemingly all too well

Oops, this one is rarely spoken about, but if you know then you know. When life feels calm, stable—even too good—some people get really really uneasy.

Because in our system we've learned:

This peace, this moment of joy, this rest won’t last.

So our systems stays prepared, vigilant.

Because, just in case right?

No wonder sometimes it's hard to be in the moment and full embrace it and be joyful.

6. Being cared for (+ when not able to reciprocate).

Most people think being cared for should feel good. But for some, it doesn’t.

Some examples: Someone gives you a very thoughtful gift. A partner looks after you when you're not well.

But instead of feeling fully appreciative, you feel guilty.

Other times, it feels like you owe them.

This trigger might feel like a sense of:

Being exposed / weakness
Owing something
Not trusting it fully

Why is this happening? You may have learnt that care is:

Conditional (you had to earn it, perform for it)
Inconsistent (sometimes there, sometimes not)
Followed by withdrawal, criticism, or disappointment
or simply unfamiliar

That’s why being taken care of can feel strange or even unsafe.

Not because it is—but because it’s something that has been so unfamiliar to your system for a while now.

7. Unstructured time

A free evening. Nothing planned.

And instead of feeling rested, you feel:

restless
uneasy
like you need to fill the space

So you reach for something—your phone, work, noise.

Not because you want to. But because being still doesn’t feel comfortable.

For some people, being “off” was never truly safe.

Maybe quiet felt like disconnection. Or rest came with guilt. Or your system got used to always being “on.”

So when nothing is happening, your body doesn’t read it as rest.

It reads it as:

“Something’s missing. Stay alert.”

Triggers are your Nervous System telling you that something is Wrong.

Your nervous system is not tracking logic. it is tracking patterns.

It doesn’t ask:“Is this objectively dangerous?”

It asks:

“Does this feel like something I’ve had to survive before?”

And if the answer is even slightly yes, your body prepares.

Early. Automatically. Without asking you first.

What looks like an overreaction is often a fast, learned response to something that once mattered deeply.

Essentially, triggers are protective shortcuts—patterns your system has learned over time, often without you realising it.

At some point, your body made a simple but powerful association:

If I react early, I can prevent something worse.

And at the time, that response made sense. It helped you cope. It helped you get through. That is why it still happens.

Unfortunately, what used to help now becomes a problem in itself.

The trigger becomes the problem, the trigger caused overwhelm.

Disproportionately affecting us, even though the present no longer carries the same level of risk.

So what then?

What Actually Helps (Without Turning Against Yourself)

Most people respond in one of two ways:

They push through and blunt force their way through the trigger. Or they avoid environments that trigger this completely.

Neither creates a sense of safety (e.g. how can we ever avoid being hungry?).

Instead, something quieter tends to work better.

Name what is happening

Gently acknowledge the experience:“My body thinks this isn’t safe.”

This creates a small but important distance between you and the reaction.

Get curious, not critical

Instead of judging yourself, shift into curiosity:“What might this remind me of?” You don’t need a perfect answer—just opening the question softens the intensity.

Orient to the present

Bring your attention back to what is true now:“I’m here. I have options. I can leave if I need to.”This helps your system register that the current moment is different from the past.

Stay with yourself

You don’t need to eliminate the reaction.The shift is in not abandoning yourself while it is happening—remaining present, steady, and on your own side as it moves through.

(P.s. you can try reading more about this practice called NAMES in my worksheet section)