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36 Questions to Get You Closer to Someone. Or Even Fall in Love.

Updated: Feb 20, 2022

Skip the small talk, and ask these questions instead.

This activity has a reputation of making people fall in love.

Yes I know, the title of this article and this falling in love thing sounds trashy. Yet, this is a Psychology Blog and I promise you there is research behind this OKAY?

Anyway, to start with an obvious point - to get closer to someone else, we need to be willing to open up ourselves. We need to find some way to get to know them at a deeper level. Likewise, they need to know who we really are inside too.

However, how many times have our first dates been just a series of small-talk? Namely, what is your work, hobbies, how many family members do you have, your education blah blah.

It's going to take a while before the both of you really open up.

That said, opening up to someone new isn't always easy.

We might fear that we are coming on too strongly or even embarrass ourselves. For example, how would I know what pace the other person wants to take this? Or, what if I'm asking too many invasive questions?

Sometimes, we also don't know how much we should reveal about ourselves. For example, imagine if I did this on a first date:

Hmm, she's been rather quiet. Maybe I'll tell her about that time I did a poop in the office toilet but didn't realise there was no toilet paper or bidet. So I had to use my hands to clean my butt instead, and wash them off with multiple flushes. Gosh, the smell on my hands afterwards! Okay, this will definitely make her laugh. Let's tell her this story...

NOT a true story, but yes friends, there are times when it's really TMI okay?

This 36-questions activity is a good way to encourage both parties to open up at the same pace as each other, reducing the likelihood that sharing will feel one-sided.