On why you don't deserve more shame.

And a random ranting on my pet peeve about my fellow therapists too.

One of the things that really ticks me off is when people finally find the courage to try out therapy and come out of it feeling worse.

Yes, sometimes sessions can be difficult, emotional - too many things unpacked.

That's normal, that's part of the process.

But when I say worse I mean feeling more ashamed.

Like they regret going in the first place.

Because opening up ourselves takes a lot of vulnerability - and again, courage, as I've already said.

But instead of finding comfort, understanding, empathy and sensitivity.

They find judgment & shame - perpetuating our sense of brokenness and aloneness instead.

I hate it, I really hate it.

I'll even acknowledge it - this is absolutely a trigger for me.

It reminds me of the first time I sought help too - and was thoroughly dismissed then.

I've mentioned this in other posts before, but my first session? All I got was "he has adjustment issues".

I didn't feel like I was spoken to as a human being.

But reinforced that I was broken and rather useless, who can't even seem to "adjust" as well.

And I write this post as I've lately seen a NUMBER of people with such experiences in their therapy journeys.

Some of them my clients, some I hear from our various circles.

And I think it's such a dishonour and injustice to those who are clearly trying.

People like me like you who are clearly not monsters.

And should NEVER have been made to feel like one too.

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So to the person out there, if this is your experience? 

You are not a monster okay?

You deserve much much better.

Please don't let these bad experiences / therapists get in the way of you trying.

And know that if you walked out of a therapy session feeling even more confused and / or more ashamed of yourself. 

That's not on you.

Take care,

Hernping

P. S. I'm not perfect myself, as a human being or as a therapist. I make many mistakes too. But I think what sets apart a helpful vs harmful therapist is the willingness and openness to acknowledge ALL feelings.

To be there through discomfort.

Even the ones directed to us.

And to offer repair in the way the person needs - to never make them feel abandoned or ashamed for reaching out.

No matter what.