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You are and have always been "good enough".

A bit about what's called a "Defectiveness Schema".


Have you heard of what's called a "defectiveness schema"?


It's the core belief that makes us feel internally flawed.


It happens when we get repeatedly exposed to rejection, criticism, and even emotional neglect during childhood.


No matter what you did, you were made to feel you were never "enough".


You were always told that you could:


"Try harder"

"Be better"

"Be stronger"

"Be a better child"


And after spending so much of your growing years hearing such words, it's no surprise that this feeling of inadequacy is carried with you into adulthood.


Even now, you're still clamoring to "enough". Life might feel like an endless chase to achieve something that will finally redeem you.


But achievement after achievement, it still feels like something is missing.


This feeling goes quite deep inside you. In fact, you're probably afraid that if people get too close to you, they will see you for who "you really are" - an inadequate human being.


And just like what happened many years ago to you, you fear that they will likewise reject, criticise or withdraw from you.


It might even feel as if, should anyone see the "real" you, they would find you to be inferior and unlovable.


---------


Then again.


This burden was never yours to bear. You're carrying this weight because the people who were supposed to help you love yourself only saw your flaws instead.


To them, you were always a work-in-progress. Unfortunately, they were blinded by their efforts in seeing you "succeed" that they never stopped to tell you:


"Well done my child, I'm so proud of you."


"Whatever it is you do, know that I will always love you and be proud of you".


Those missing words from our childhood, was never ours to bear.


And looking at ourselves now, we can understand why those words were never said - our parents, family, other grown ups from our childhood - were just as burdened as we are now.


And perhaps, all they wanted was for you to be "more" just like how they felt they should've been "more" themselves.



But friends, two words for you. This is called "intergenerational trauma".


Generations of trauma and bad parenting habits passed onto you.


But you.


You have the choice now.


Know that you are and have always been enough. There is absolutely nothing you have to prove to anyone else.


In fact, you've been trying so hard all this time now.


Internalise those words of comfort you should have heard all those words back.


Say it to yourself:


"Well done me, I'm so proud of you."


"Whatever it is we do in our lives, know that I will always love and be proud of myself".


Do so not for you, but for future generations of you.


Break that cycle.


Take care,

Hernpin

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