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On "Emotional Dysregulation".

And the real root cause of it all.


Because how on earth would you ever learn to handle something you weren't allowed to have in the first place?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.


You were just never taught how to feel, how to regulate.


You and I, we were simply told to stop feeling altogether instead.


And that was never meant to be the way.



I can't tell you enough how often this question gets asked to me.



If there's "something wrong" with me for feeling this way.


Or if there's "something wrong" with me for not being able to STOP feeling that way.


Nothing is wrong with you at all.


For we CANNOT fault a person for not being able to ride a bicycle if they were never taught or showed how to.


More so if they were never allowed to be near a bicycle in the first place.



And so often when we trace back to the root of this thing called "emotional dysregulation"...



We find that the real problem was not an inability to do so at all.


But the lack of a safe place to LEARN how to do so, and the lack of a safe adult who was emotionally present enough to show us how.


Because, really, it's okay to feel sad, anxious, upset, angry and whatever it is you feel.


Emotions are not bad things, even these so-called "negative" ones too.


Emotions are just... Emotions.


Each carrying a message and a purpose.


And it's through being ALLOWED to feel them in the first place that we also learn to be okay with them (what we call "acceptance" - meaning to not struggle against or avoid).


And in being OKAY with them that we learn to LISTEN to them.


And by LISTENING to them that we understand what we NEED in that moment.


And in fulfilling that we NEED that we regulate.

Getting ourselves to feel safe and complete again.


Like we all deserve to feel.



So to everyone out there who ponders if there's something wrong with you because of this.



Know that that's not true.


It's not your fault.


Take you time, learn to feel.


Like me, like many others along the way, we will learn how to do what we were never taught.


And we will be okay (even when we don't feel okay).


Take care,

Hernping


💙


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