On "Positive mindsets".

P.s. It's not that positive.

Don't get me wrong - if this works for you, then great.

That's awesome, keep going.

You keep doing you please.

But the problem is when people start to preach this as a way of life to others around them.

That to me is downright toxic.

Because I've seen this happen so many times before, in the organisational context and in the therapy context too.

Leaders who encourage a stressed-out or unhappy employee to just keep up a "positive mindset".

To keep their heads down and turn down the "negativity".

Even when they have the right to be worried and even when they are beyond the brink of being burnt out too.

That's toxic leadership. That's a lack of empathy at its core.

I've also seen this with parents who invalidate how their children feel.

"Stop being so upset. You're making everyone else in the family upset."

Is also another phrase for "you are such a burden and so are your feelings too".

That's toxic parenting. That starts your child on the path of lifelong trauma.

And I've seen this in relationships as well, where a partner is called to be too "emotional" or "too sensitive".

Somehow expected to just be okay when they don't feel okay at all.

Even blaming them for the way they feel, because how they feel is what's "causing" the problems.

That's not just toxic. That's taking someone on an emotional guilt trip too.

For there is one truth and one truth only.

How someone feels is always, ALWAYS valid.

Because how someone feels is not based on our perspectives.

It's based on THEIRS.

If what they are experiencing is chaos, then that's the truth for them right now.

And if you really want to care - listen, understand, empathise.

And if you don't, then stop pretending to. At the very least, don't invalidate or guilt trip them.

And for once and for all, let's put a stop to this false preaching of a "positive mindset" okay?

We are humans, we can't be positive all the time. If we are, then we are living a great pretense.

Negative emotions have a purpose to them - they tell us that something's wrong, that we need to rest, be loved, be safe, connect etc.

Let's not avoid them - that's toxic - we need to listen to them to really heal.

💙Hernping