Your "Best" looks different everyday.
Updated: May 18, 2022
And it's okay to not be okay.
I didn't have the best day today.
I had a rough night's sleep, burdened by some of my worries.
Honestly, I woke up this morning feeling downright crummy. Plus, I was being quite the grump too.
But still, I was looking forward to heading out for a long hike at Macritchie Reservoir in the afternoon.
Or a long sunset swim at Tanjong beach would be really nice too.
That's when the rain started pouring.
And it showed no signs of stopping.
With that, my mood got worse and I got grumpier and grumpier by the minute. I started to blame myself for not feeling very good. "I should just be happier", I thought, because I didn't like how I was feeling. Then a momentary sense of clarity made me realise that I was trying to fight my feelings. I remembered that feelings don't just go away, even when we try to fight them.
It's like being out at sea and trying to punch an incoming wave.
The wave is still gonna knock you over.
So I decided, okay, it's not the best day today. Nor am I feeling at my best.
Plus, my best looks different every single day too.
I remembered that it's also okay to not be okay. That this feeling will pass, I just have to ride out this wave.
So that's what I'm doing right now, this very moment, while listening to my favourite music.
Not totally okay, but that's okay.
P. S. I went for an evening swim in the rain and spent some time drawing this post. Feeling much more at peace now.
Hope you're okay not being okay too,
(Dedicated to my wife for putting up with a grump