On neglecting ourselves for others.

And learning to never to do that again.

It's hard to put this feeling into words.

But if I had to try, perhaps it's the feeling of silent resentment.

A feeling of being exiled by others just for feeling different.

Where even though we can't help but feel outcasted or mistreated...

We find ourselves mute, lacking any means or words to keep ourselves safe.

And in the midst of this mess of feelings and emotions, the worst part is to feel like there is no one else really to blame.

Other than ourselves.

For being silent.

--

This feeling is an ode to my teenager years.

Back then, I was still carrying a huge fear of being abandoned.

A fear so scary that it often led me to stay quiet.

Even when those around me said or did things that made me feel like I was not valued.

But then again I was afraid of creating a commotion.

What if I shared my feelings and they didn't like it?

What if they thought I was just being "too sensitive" or even "too much"?

Wouldn't that just thrust me back into loneliness?

Abandoned again?

So I stayed quiet for a long time.

All while the resentment built inside of me.

Blaming no one other than my own.

--

It's a sad thing to lose ourselves just to keep the peace.

To neglect how we feel just so everyone else can be comfortable.

We can't keep doing this though.

We have to let this go.

For how are we ever going to heal if we don't start loving ourselves?

--

So to my teenage self, this is me, from many years in the future.

Openly sharing our story so we can let others know they are not alone.

First thing you'd probably realise about me is that I'm a lot different now.

That I've stopped neglecting you and me for the sake of "others".

That we also realised that staying quiet was not the way to be loved.

Because we learnt that if we never shared how we felt, we would never feel loved too.

It did take a while for us, but yes, we finally made it here.

And as you can see, now we have a loving wife and two fur kids.

And that's we are really happy now.

And proud of ourselves too.

Thank you for all you endured.

But never again, okay?

To loving ourselves,

Hernping

☁️☁️☁️

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